day f- fast forward 5 years

In five years i will be 30 years old wow thats crazy i would hope that i will find a guy that will change my outlook on relationships that i will not be living in cahokia or with my mother and that i will make enough money to make it on my own....i hope that i will at least be 60 lbs smaller i believe thats all!!!!

Day E- Explain to me why

Explain to why I'm not sure what to put  here lol ummm i do but i don't want to get on that topic.... so explain to me why cant i just come across a big chunk of money so i can get a new car so i cant move so i could stop stressing about being broke so i could go out and do the things i wanna do!!!

Explain to me why there are such ignorant people out there why is this world so crazy what goes through people minds these days that make them do the things they do like kill ppl,rape ppl,steal, i dk its just crazy how people are i mean you don't come out of the wound being this way someone had to tell your or teach you these bad things i just don't get it!!!

Explain to me why i should be cleaning instead of on this laptop but i don't feel like it lol

day d- did you know

Did you know that i have only had sex with four people and i lost my virginity when i was 17 and im 24 years old now and the longest i have went without sex has been like two years i dk why i started this off with sex maybe because i haven't had any in over a year lol hahah i dont have sex with just random ppl either i mean if i am having sex with you im pretty much in a relationship with you thats just me not saying anything bad about the ppl that do it or anything.... only 1 guy has ever seen me completely naked( i was alot smaller back then and it was six years ago) and its one of them four ppl i had sex with im not comfortable with my body and when i look in the mirror naked  it grosses me out so why would i want anyone else to see  me naked!!!  I have ugly scars on my body in secret places and dont wont people to see them!!

Did you know that i used to be one of the skinniest kids in my class's until about 7th grade i used to actually be to skinny and now look at me im as big as a house right now and that biggest ive ever been a year in a half ago i was the smallest i had been in a prob about 5 years and i put it all back on and bigger than i have ever been i know i just said that but o well  i actually am getting info on the lap band and waiting for some paper work to come in the mail and see if  i qualify hopefully i do!!!!

Have a good day everyone!!!!!

day c- credit a friend

So everyone knows that my best friend is rhianna louis we have been friends for 14 years now i have no idea what i would do without her in my life we have our ups in our down our crys and laughs we sometimes go days wks we even went about a year (it was about 6 years ago and it will never happen again)  without talking but its nothing that we cant ever fix and its like we started back where we left off i know that she will always be there for me even if she doesn't agree with the choices i make and i will always be there for her thats just how it is shes three years younger that me but is more responsible that most thirty or forty year olds shes one of the smartest people i know and has a good head on her shoulders...she went to college has a degree in vet tech she loves her job shes loves animals more than she loves people i guess thats why she picked that field lol she just recently bought a new car she plans on moving to Missouri soon i will prob cry we have never been farther than five min away from each other We have so many memories together and alot more to come we can look at each other or say just one word and no what each other are saying people say we talk in a code or something but we dont think so i guess thats what happens when you have been friends for so long we know eachother like the back of our hands! i know everyone has best friends but mine truly is the best shes more like a sister than anything I love you rhianna sue louis!!!!!!

Day B- bloggers blast

I just started blogging because my friend kati j was talking about it and i actually have blogged before but on tumblr not here.... i like being able to get everything out and off my chest but at times its no so easy to type/write down so im going to try it! so thank you kati for bringing me to a whole new world hahha love you whoreeee!!!

Day a- about Me

1. Where do i Live  - I live in a small town that used to be really nice but now people consider it the ghetto and im not going to disagree with them its def isn't very safe anymore =( .



2. Are you married - No im not married and at the rate im not sure if i will ever be i mean 10 years ago i figured i would be married by time i was 24



3. Do you have children - No and same as number 3 i figured i would by now but then again im not where im at financially in my life so i guess its a good thing i don't huh lol.



4. Are you an only child -I have a eleven year old little sister who i want to beat at time she drives me nuts but i dk what i would do without her in my life



5. What is your dream job - Is is sad that i don't have one? i try to live day by day



6. What is your best quality - umm i would prob. say that its im always there for my friends when they need me!

7. What is your worst quality - That i cant save money


8. Are you a wall flower or attention seeker - Depends on my mood but i would say most if the time im a attention seeker =)



9. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be - Def. somewhere thats warm and that doesnt snow i hate the snow....



10. What is something people don't know about you - I dont think that there is anything that someone doesnt know about me but alot of people dont know that i have never( cant believe im saying this but that i have never had an orgasm eeek

Fickle me!

Doesn't understand why I lay here at night and think about you. I shouldn't you should be the last thing on my mind! I mean we weren't together that long and we have been broken up for way longer than we were ever together.The way you jump from gf to gf makes me sick it makes me feel disgusting because you knows how many there were before me considering all the ones you have had after! But for some reason I still care about you and a part of me still wishes we were together but im not sure if its just because im lonely I dk but I wish these feelings would go away!!
Im so fickle one minute I want to be in a relationship because I miss it I miss the cuddling every night I miss the kisses I miss the fact of being with someone and not being the lonely girl and being seen out in public with us flirting and the single ppl saying aww look at them I want that!! Now its the opposite im the one seeing the cute couples saying I wish that was me..... Then other days I don't want to be in a relationship because I feel its not worth it...its not worth being hurt its not worth falling in love and then it all crumbling... call me crazy but I feel that 90% of ppl in a relationship are not happy with the person their with they stay together because thats all they know because they have been together so long I feel that either one of them is cheating or they stay together because of kids sake or financial reasons I hate having this outlook on relationships I really do!!

kati j

im getting this just for you and i still cant reall figure this shit one ill have to mess with it more tomorrow love you!!!!