Fickle me!

Doesn't understand why I lay here at night and think about you. I shouldn't you should be the last thing on my mind! I mean we weren't together that long and we have been broken up for way longer than we were ever together.The way you jump from gf to gf makes me sick it makes me feel disgusting because you knows how many there were before me considering all the ones you have had after! But for some reason I still care about you and a part of me still wishes we were together but im not sure if its just because im lonely I dk but I wish these feelings would go away!!
Im so fickle one minute I want to be in a relationship because I miss it I miss the cuddling every night I miss the kisses I miss the fact of being with someone and not being the lonely girl and being seen out in public with us flirting and the single ppl saying aww look at them I want that!! Now its the opposite im the one seeing the cute couples saying I wish that was me..... Then other days I don't want to be in a relationship because I feel its not worth it...its not worth being hurt its not worth falling in love and then it all crumbling... call me crazy but I feel that 90% of ppl in a relationship are not happy with the person their with they stay together because thats all they know because they have been together so long I feel that either one of them is cheating or they stay together because of kids sake or financial reasons I hate having this outlook on relationships I really do!!